For INFJs, known for their deep empathy and idealism, new relationships can be thrilling yet terrifying. The excitement of connection battles with the fear of getting hurt, leaving us caught between wanting intimacy and pushing people away.
If you’re an INFJ who struggles with attachment, this post is for you. Let’s navigate the rollercoaster of a new relationship while keeping those precious walls from completely shutting us down.
Understanding Your Attachment Style
Our attachment style is shaped by our early experiences with caregivers. As INFJs, we might have a tendency towards anxious attachment, constantly seeking reassurance, or avoidant attachment, fearing vulnerability. Recognizing your style is the first step to secure attachment in your new relationship. In my experience, most INFJs have a disorganized attachment style, which is a combination of both anxious and avoidant styles.
Take it Slow
The fear of getting hurt is real, but it shouldn’t be the sole narrator of your love story. However, taking it slow can ensure that you pay attention to the other person’s patterns and issues. That way, you can determine whether they are a good fit for you.
INFJs crave authenticity. While complete emotional transparency might seem ideal, remember, trust builds gradually. Share your feelings openly, but respect the natural progression of intimacy.
Looking for a secure partner is helpful if your attachment style is insecure. Directness is especially important for INFJs, and a secure partner will help you to be able to state your needs without worrying about triggering the other person.
Connection, Communication & Compassion
INFJs are prone to future-tripping, imagining worst-case scenarios. Ground yourself in the present. Enjoy the connection you’re building without getting ahead of yourself.
Clear communication is essential for any healthy relationship. Express your needs directly but kindly. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader –– voice your desires for closeness and reassurance. Remember, relationships are a two-way street.
Attachment issues often stem from a core belief of unworthiness. Practice self-compassion. You deserve love; a secure partner will appreciate your depth and sensitivity.
What if it’s scary?
New relationships can be scary for INFJs with attachment issues. But remember, vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the key to true intimacy. You can build a secure and fulfilling relationship by understanding your fears, practicing open communication, and believing in your worth and the other person’s worth.
This is just the beginning of your journey. With self-awareness and effort, you can rewrite your relationship narrative and embrace the beautiful possibilities of love.
Email me with any questions! I am working on classes related to intuitive style types and attachment issues, so be on the lookout!
tealgeiger@infinitetealskies.com