Introversion versus Shyness

In our society, the word “shy” seems to be the go-to word for anyone who seems quiet. People notice those who don’t speak much, and instantly label them shy. However, there is a big difference in the meaning of shy and introversion. Additionally, social anxiety tends to go along with shyness, not necessarily introversion. 

Shyness comes from a fear of speaking or being judged. Shyness goes hand in hand with social anxiety, or they might just be the external and internal expressions of the same thing, respectively. Being shy comes from an actual fear and physical reaction to being the center of attention, and fear of speaking out loud. A person who experiences social anxiety may experience physical symptoms of being shy; they may get sweaty, have a racing heart or feel nauseous when in social situations. Extroverts as well as introverts can each have social anxiety or shyness. It is not limited to type preference.  

Introversion is a type preference in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It means that someone prefers to recharge by themselves, or at least in a relaxing environment where they can do their own thing. They also process things slowly, and tend to think before responding to external stimuli or making a decision. Their energy is drained by consistent social interaction with no breaks or recharge time. They may prefer to stay home versus going to a party with many people they don’t know. Internally, they like to think before speaking, but this does not equate to “shyness”. Introversion does not mean that someone is afraid of speaking, it is actually literally the way that someone processes external stimuli and outwardly expresses it. 

The difference in the two is an important distinction. When we label people who don’t talk much as shy, we are assuming they have something wrong with them that needs to be treated. Introversion is NOT something to be treated. Social anxiety is, to the extent that we are attempting to help the person not feel anxious in social situations, and as long as they are open to treatment. The treatment does not necessarily need to be medication either. Treatment can include therapy, tools (such as breathing work or cognitive reframing) to help the person in social settings and/or in some cases medication. 

Let me know what you think! Email Me: infinitetealskies@gmail.com  

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Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics.  Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

The Midnight Library

The Midnight Library was a fantastic read & a great reminder about what to prioritize in life. For a quick summary, the story centers around Nora, a woman in her 30’s who feels dejected by most of the people in her life, and feels woefully inadequate and isn’t sure if she has turned down several possible promising trajectories her life could have taken based on her particular hobbies and studies. At some point, she finds herself in the Midnight Library, which allows her to see what would have happened in life if she had followed those other paths, and even some more mundane choices she could have made. I believe that the book’s goal is to point out to us that we can question “what if I had done it this way?” for the rest of our lives, but if we aren’t content to live in the present moment, and create and nurture our most important relationships, life isn’t worth living. 

Anyway, the story was interesting and engaging and certainly worth the read. For me, it served as a reminder to reach out to those who I hadn’t spoken to in a while, show my deep appreciation for those I love and that care for me, and also a reminder to really put in the effort to understand where someone else is coming from instead of allowing myself to just react to their actions. And the biggest one of all, it reminded me to SPEAK UP when I am uncomfortable, or unhappy with the way someone is treating me. A lot of times the other person just doesn’t know they are doing it, and the relationship suffers because I am unhappy and haven’t said anything.  

Another common theme is to be kind to yourself. There may be circumstances you can’t control, but it doesn’t mean you are a bad person. I thought the book had a lot of positive messages, even if the undercurrent was a bit dark (TW: it does contain suicide). 

Check it out if you are interested!

Email me if you have any questions: infinitetealskies@gmail.com  

Website 

Human Metrics MBTI Free Test 

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

Wonder

Wonder is a theme word that has come up for me lately. It is such a joyous word, and I want to try and remember to create and approach new and old situations with a sense of wonder. This creates a sense of open-ness and expansion in the mind, instead of constriction. It opens your mind up to new possibilities, allowing it to be creative with new solutions and new ways of looking at the same problem. 

For a very basic start, when a problem comes up, try asking yourself: 

  • I wonder what would happen if I approached this from a new perspective? 
  • I wonder if I could try to see where the other person is coming from? 
  • I wonder whether there are more solutions to the problem than I am currently seeing? 

It’s not even necessary to know all the answers, but just creating that curiosity will create joy and expansion from the inside-out. 

Another way to create wonder is to notice the world through a lens of wonder. For example, I have started taking daily walks through my neighborhood, and I notice all the different types of flowers blooming in people’s yards. I stop and take pictures of most of them. Now I anticipate my daily walks because of the sense of wonder that has been created around seeing a new flower; a new color, a new type of flower, a new bee or animal near the flowers.  

A sense of wonder helps to calibrate your energy to a higher level, where wonders never cease! 

Let me know if this resonates with you, or if you have other ideas on how to create a sense of wonder in your life. Email me: infinitetealskies@gmail.com  

Website 

Human Metrics MBTI Free Test 

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

Intuition versus Sensing

The most confusion in the Myers Briggs typing indicator, is typically the second letter of the four-letter types, N or S; intuition or sensing. A lot of times people use both, and are unsure which they use more of, and more often than not, I have found that this letter preference is hardest for opposite types to be accepting of, and accommodating of. 

To explain intuition, as an extreme example, think about the people who are always questioning the meaning of life. They live in the intangible world of theory and the abstract. To explain sensing, as again an extreme example, think of the person who lives in the five senses. When they are driving a car, for example, they are part of the car, they feel the car, they hear the car, they see how it looks and memorize what color it is. They live in the tangible world. 

Here is a list of words I came up with to show the opposition of the processing of each type intuition versus sensing, respectively; intangible versus tangible, mind versus body, 6th sense versus 5 senses, conceptual/abstract versus concrete, future oriented versus past & present oriented, searches for a deeper meaning versus focuses on current experience, big-picture versus specific.

Let me know if any of this resonates with you, and if you are still struggling with whether you take in information through intuition or through sensing. I’d love to know your thoughts and if this helped to clarify it for you or not! 

I’d love to hear what you have to say!  Email me: infinitetealskies@gmail.com 

Website

Human Metrics MBTI Free Test

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

Impatience

The topic of impatience has come up a lot for me lately, and not to mention, it was a recent topic in Lauren Sapala’s most recent class called The Joyful Writer. I never thought of myself as an impatient person, in fact, I had been complimented on my extreme patience and low maintenance in the past. But I recently realized that while I have patience for other people, I do not have patience with myself. In fact, I was so caught up in being impatient with myself and feeling like I was running out of time all the time, that was what was causing issues in my closest relationships. 

I treat time like a commodity that there isn’t enough of. Like I will never have enough time to complete all the things I want to complete in this life, I will never be able to read all the books I want to read, meet all the people I want to meet. So instead of going slowly and being in the present moment, I was constantly living in the future, trying to blow through everything I felt that I had to do so that I didn’t miss out on anything. I was setting myself schedules that I was adhering to very strictly, and it didn’t help that I have about eight-ten meetings per day for work, causing me to stress that I wouldn’t make it to each one of them if I didn’t keep a close eye on the time. 

Another part of impatience with myself is perfectionism, and asking myself why I can’t just get things done faster that are perfect? When I am going slowly with something, and it isn’t turning out the way I want it to, that’s another aspect to impatience. 

Does anyone else experience this, and if so, what is your experience with it? Are there other things that you recognize as impatience with yourself? I recently went on vacation in Mexico for eight days, and my brain & body forced me to relax. I opened up my computer and the words on the screen actually appeared fuzzy, and my head felt like it was in a fog. I took eight glorious days and spent each present moment with my partner. I didn’t do any work, or anything that I felt like had to be perfect. It was the ultimate reset, and I haven’t gone back to my impatient ways just yet. However, I do feel lazy, and my current goal is to find the right balance between doing and resting. 

Write to me and let me know if you experience impatience with yourself! I’d love to hear what you have to say & start a discussion about it: infinitetealskies@gmail.com 

My website is: www.infinitetealskies.com 

Human Metrics MBTI Free Test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp 

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

J or P – The 4th Letter in the Myers-Briggs Personality Type

I took a class on the opposite J and P preferences this past weekend, which is the 4th letter that makes up a Myers-Briggs 4 letter type. I’ve always known the main differences between the two, but it was fascinating hearing it articulated, and also hearing from sets of people in relationships, and how each type preference deals with things within different relationships/type pairings. A very big moment of clarity/reminder for me was when it was mentioned that people with the J preference find joy in the completion of tasks or projects, but people with the P preference find joy in the processing of the project or task. My friend Beth, who is an INFP, described it as people with a P preference are uncomfortable when a project is finished, because the joy for her in doing projects actually lies in the doing of the project itself. Whereas for a person with a J preference finds the joy in the completion of the project and feels more comfortable when tasks are marked off their to do list. 

Now, the J preference and the P preference can cause contention even in the best of relationships. For example, my significant other has a P preference, and he loves the freedom to make a decision in the moment versus in advance. So, I might make a reservation for a restaurant a week in advance, but he’d prefer to see how he feels on Friday night, and go where the night takes him. I also want to make it clear that you are not “stuck” in your type either way. Sure, a person with a P preference can make a reservation, and a person with a J preference can certainly go with the flow and decide on a restaurant 15 minutes in advance. The fun for me (a J preference) lies in the planning. I enjoy planning out a vacation, finding all the local fun spots to go and reserve them in advance to make sure we get a chance to go to them. Patrick enjoys have a basic structure for a trip, but prefers to go into a situation with the option to meet a local, have them tell us a fun place to go, and then having the flexibility and the freedom to go do it in that moment, in whatever order feels good. I am less able to flex like that, and prefer to know what I am going to be doing each day, and possibly even longer in advance. I would plan a trip a year in advance, and that would be fun and satisfying for me. That typically does not satisfy the P preference. 

Now for a P and a J preference pairing in a relationship – there was some great advice given. For example, if a person with a J preference would like a decision made quickly, like what to eat for dinner or where to go, the person with the J preference can give the person with the P preference three options, and let them chose from those options. This satisfies the person with the J preference who is hungry and ready to eat now, and it also satisfies the person with a P preference, who needs to feel like they were presented with options and not pigeon-holed into one thing. If the person with the P preference can allow the person with the J preference to make more of the decisions and the plan, and just go along with the plan, this can satisfy both types. Also, vice versa, the person with the J preference can attempt to every now and again go with the flow, and do what the person with the P preference thinks is a great idea right there in the moment. 

Write to me and let me know what you want to know more about! infinitetealskies@gmail.com 

Teal’s Website

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Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here:  Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

INFJ/INTJ Relationships

Happy Sunday! 

In continuing with the relationship series after a brief hiatus, today I will discuss INFJ’s with INTJ’s. I am intentionally starting with INFJ (as my own type) but will expand out from there. Please let me now if there is a type pairing you are interested in, and I am happy to write a bit about it! 

Again, remember to stay tuned for you and your partner’s type! This information also applies to friendships, or familial relationships, but I am going to apply it to romantic relationships for purposes of efficiency. 

A common pairing for INFJ is INTJ. The similarities between the two types are all of the letters except the third one, the preference for thinking versus feeling. I will also explain a bit about the similarities and differences in the first two cognitive functions between the two types. Both INFJ’s and INTJ’s use introverted intuition as their first function, and INFJ’s use extroverted feeling, whereas INTJ’s use extroverted thinking as their secondary function. 

To start, let’s discuss the type preference that is opposite (thinking versus feeling): 

Those that use a feeling preference will consider relationships and the emotions of others when making a decision. Their primary decision-making factor is how that decision will affect other people. Those that use a thinking preference are usually very rational and efficient. They base their decision-making primarily on what makes the most sense based on a variety of factors, for example, timing, resources, or money. People with a thinking preference tend to be very fair in their relationships, however they will not necessarily base decisions on another person’s feelings about the decision. 

To dive into the cognitive functions, the INFJ and INTJ have the same dominant cognitive function, which is introverted intuition. This means that they both take in patterns and data and process it internally. Introverted intuition is a perceiving function, meaning it is done subconsciously. Because of this, the INFJ and INTJ may have deep insights that appear to come quite randomly. However, the brain is always processing the information or patterns that it picks up on, and when the patterns come together, it creates a big picture awareness that seems mystical to someone observing the INFJ or INTJ’s insights. When an INTJ and an INFJ come together, they will be fascinated with discussing theoretical topics and asking “what if” questions, for example, about the Universe and our fundamental existence. 

The secondary functions for each type: the INFJ’s secondary function is extroverted feeling and the INTJ’s secondary function is extroverted thinking. The secondary functions are really where an INTJ and an INFJ can differ, or feel that they process things quite differently from one another. The INFJ uses their secondary function to create harmony within groups, and to process their feelings externally. An INFJ may want to talk about their feelings, and work through them. An INTJ may indulge this, but not fully understand, as the INTJ is using extroverted thinking as their secondary cognitive function. The INFJ can feel disregarded or hurt by the INTJ’s lack of emotional response to their feelings. An INTJ using extroverted thinking, likes to take in external data and use it to understand the world. They enjoy facts and logic, and may feel that the INFJ is impractical and emotional, and not understand why the INFJ would focus so much of their decision-making process on other people and their emotions. 

INTJ’s and INFJ’s are likely to share similar interests, like philosophizing, learning about a variety of new topics, and/or some creative pursuits, like writing. There are likely to be a few hobbies that are different, as with any type pairing, and the INTJ may be more interested in science or technology, etc (more factual based topics) than an INFJ. 

The best way for these two types to get along is to really indulge the dominant cognitive function and find new and interesting topics to discuss. A big part of this is also to just ask your partner to respect, if they are unable to understand, your decision-making process, which is either the preference for thinking or feeling. 

I hope this helps some of you in an INFJ/INTJ relationship! Feel free to email if you have questions, or if there is a type pairing you’d like me to discuss next, or anything else! infinitetealskies@gmail.com 

My website is:  www.infinitetealskies.com 

Human Metrics MBTI Free Test: Free Test

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here:  Teal’s Newsletter 

Love, 

Teal 

When to Take Breaks

I took a break from writing last week to take a self-care and mental health break, but I am back now! I wanted to take this time to write a bit about taking breaks for self-care, because I think we can struggle with knowing when to take a break and when to keep plugging along. I know I struggle with it, and have heard many others who struggle with it as well. Here are some questions to find out if you are struggling with this: 

  • Do you ever feel like you are really low on energy? Or just downright tired? 
  • Do you feel like you are wading through mud, or your brain feels foggy? 
  • Do you ever think you might want to take a break, but then struggle with knowing if it is actually the best thing for you or not? 

If you answered yes to most of those, likely you are having trouble with knowing when to take a break. When I speak of taking a break, I mean changing your normal, daily routine in any way because you feel tired or burnt out. For example, skipping your daily exercise, asking for a day off from work, allowing yourself to have that donut, or in my case, taking a week’s break from blogging. I know there are people in the world who don’t follow a daily routine, and are perfectly happy doing things differently each day, but here I am specifically talking about people who feel that they do better by following a daily routine. For instance, I know that if I don’t do my morning yoga each morning for 20-40 minutes, I will suffer from more anxious thoughts and stress eating all day, which then spirals into bad habits all around. Also, please don’t feel as if you are procrastinating by taking a break. Sometimes it really is in your best interest to slow down!! 

So, if you feel you struggle with not knowing WHEN to take a mental health or self-care break, check in with your mind. There are a lot of times when I don’t want to do something, but I will plug through my daily routine anyway, and then I feel better because of it. However, when you start pushing yourself daily to get through your routine, and you start feeling tired and dragged down, it may be time for a mental health or self-care day. It doesn’t have to be drastic, but just do small things for yourself that rejuvenate you, and in that time, don’t follow your daily routine, don’t say yes to anyone and try to take the day off work, if you can. 

Here are some ideas for self-care or mental health rejuvenation: 

  • Meditation 
  • Reading 
  • Watching a light movie or show 
  • Face mask or skin care 
  • Nap 
  • Chatting with a partner or close friend 
  • A light hike in nature 
  • Learning something new that you are interested in 
  • Snuggling with a pet or partner 
  • Light, relaxing Yoga 
  • Journal (this sometimes helps me find out if I need a break in the first place)

All of these activities are wonderful ways to rejuvenate yourself and remind you why you have a daily routine in the first place. Even if you don’t have an intense routine, taking a break from the normal day to day grind is always important when it has become a bit too much or too monotonous. 

Reach out to me if you want to chat about your daily routine. Let me know if there is anything else you would like to learn/talk about! Email me: infinitetealskies@gmail.com  

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter 

Website: www.infinitetealskies.com 

Happy Sunday! 

Love, 

Teal 

INFJ/ENFP Relationships

Hi all,

In continuing with the relationship series, today I will discuss INFJ’s with ENFP’s. I am intentionally starting with INFJ (as my own type) but will expand out from there. Please let me now if there is a type pairing you are interested in, and I am happy to write a bit about it!

Again, as a reminder: stay tuned for you and your partner’s type! This information also applies to friendships, or familial relationships, but I am going to apply it to romantic relationships for purposes of efficiency.

A common pairing for INFJ is ENFP. The similarities between the two types are the “NF” middle two letters, also called the mental function in MBTI. A lot of people see the middle two letters as very important to have in common, because typically people with the same mental functions will have a similar objective in life, and view of the world. For instance, NF’s tend to look for a deeper meaning and connection with people and everything endeavor in life.

To start, let’s discuss the type preferences that are opposite (extroversion and perceiving):

First are the extroversion versus introversion preferences. People with a preference for extroversion regain their energy from other’s energy, and people with a preference for introversion gain energy from time spent alone. I think this specific preference has a lot of misconceptions, due to all the information that is out there about extroversion versus introversion, some of it right, some of it wrong. This type preference does NOT mean that people with an extroversion preference don’t sometimes want to be alone and vice versa for introversion. This really comes down to the way the types process information. People with an introversion preference take more time to process information and will take the time to process before speaking. People with an extroversion preference speak before they process information, which is why they tend to come across as more talkative than introverts. It also relates back to the initial point, and that is why the extroversion preference gains energy from being around others. They will bounce ideas off the people they are around, and that is how the begin to start the processing of the information they have received.

Second is perceiving versus judging. Each of these letters is the way the type preference perceives the world. People with the perceiving preference are uncomfortable when projects are completed and prefers to keep an open mind about their plans, and a person with a judging preference is uncomfortable with incomplete projects and prefers to have a pretty good idea of what they will be doing in the near future.

To dive into the cognitive functions, an INFJ’s dominant cognitive function is introverted intuition. This means that the INFJ takes in patterns and data and processes it internally. This leads to flashes of insight that usually look random to most people, because they don’t realize the INFJ has been processing things internally for a long time. This is a subconscious process, and the INFJ will not likely realize they are doing this, so a lot of times a flash of insight can also feel random, even to themselves, unless they think back on patterns they have witnessed and put together. To conceptualize this, you can picture an evidence board, with string linking things together. That is how an INFJ’s mind works. An ENFP’s first cognitive function is extroverted intuition. This means that ENFP’s first way of processing data is taken from the external environment. They may use this to come up with lots of creative solutions to problems (but don’t ask them to follow through on just one of these great ideas!). They will use their external data collection to pick up on patterns in their external environment and come to conclusions based on that data. They will make their decisions and create new ideas based on this pattern collecting. They are big picture people, and do not like to be bogged down in the details. They can be seen as people who are very random and spacy because their mind is constantly putting together patterns that other types cannot see. However, they appear less random than INFJ’s using introverted intuition, because this is an extroverted function, they will likely talk through their process with others, and help other people to see where they are coming from along the way, versus appearing to have a very random insight.

The secondary functions for each type: the INFJ’s secondary function is extroverted feeling and ENFP’s secondary function is introverted feeling. The INFJ uses their secondary function externally and they tend to prefer harmony amongst groups and others they interact with. The ENFP’s secondary function is introverted feeling, which means they process feelings opposite of the way the INFJ does. An INFJ will process emotions by talking their feelings out, or journaling, but the ENFP will process their feelings internally, and they won’t speak about their feelings until they have fully processed their emotions. A big difference in these processes is that the INFJ will talk through their feelings, the ENFP will only speak of their feelings once they believe them as an absolute fact. They run their feelings through an internal value system, which specifically includes values based on past experiences. The ENFP may get confused when the INFJ tries to talk through their feelings, thinking that the INFJ is stating a fact, when in fact, the INFJ just wants someone to discuss their feelings with.

ENFP’s and INFJ’s have similar cognitive functions, the functions are just opposite; introverted and extroverted. This can cause potential tension between the types. The INFJ may prefer to have alone time to process the patterns they have picked up, and an ENFP may prefer to try and talk about them. This can be exhausting to the INFJ and can be not stimulating enough for the ENFP. However, great discussions can arise out of introverted intuition and extroverted intuition, so if each type can allow for a bit of the others preference, this pair can go very well together. This is generic, and of course, all types can learn to do things differently, but most of these types experience similar issues in relationships with each other.

ENFP’s and INFJ’s are likely to share similar creative interests, like writing, philosophizing, listening to music, hiking, reading, dancing. There are likely to be a few hobbies that are different, as with any type pairing, but with similar mental functions (NF), these two types are likely to have similar hobbies.

The best way for these two types to get along is to indulge each of the cognitive functions a bit, especially the dominant functions which are introverted and extroverted intuition. If an ENFP can understand that INFJ’s require a lot of along time, and if the INFJ can understand that the ENFP wants to theorize and discuss out loud, sometimes even just listening deeply to them, this type pairing can work very well.

I hope this helps some of you in an INFJ/ENFP relationship! Feel free to email if you have questions, or if there is a type pairing you’d like me to discuss next, or anything else! Infinitetealskies@gmail.com

My website is: www.infinitetealskies.com

Link to MBTI Training Institute: https://mbtitraininginstitute.myersbriggs.org/

Additionally, I have a free gift offering! When you sign up for my newsletter on my website, you will receive a free PDF about MBTI Type Dynamics. Sign up here: Teal’s Newsletter

Happy Sunday!

Love,

Teal

INFJ/ISTP Relationships

Hi all,

I am going to start a new series about different types in relationship with each other. Stay tuned for you and your partner’s type! This also applies to friendships, or familial relationships, but I am going to apply it to romantic relationships for purposes of efficiency.

A common pairing I have seen recently is INFJ and ISTP. The only type preference that these two types have in common is introversion. That means that there can be a lot of misunderstanding between these two types, and a lot of heartbreak and confusion can occur. The great thing about MBTI is that you can use it to understand your partner and figure out where they are coming from. So, let’s break down the three letters following introversion, and the primary & secondary cognitive function of each type.

First is sensing versus intuition. Each of these letters is the way the type preference gathers outside information. People using the sensing preference prefer to use their five senses and learn and take in facts and data. People who use the intuitive preference take in patterns and abstract details. They like to ask, “what if?” and theorize and then create conceptual ideas. Both types can be creative, but in very different ways. People who use the sensing preference are creative through touching, feeling and making things more beautiful than they were to begin with. They are also usually good at painting, and precise types of creativity. People who use the intuitive preference are creative through abstract concepts and ideas. They tend to be writers and create new ideas for their visions, versus using old methods. The easiest way to determine this in partnership is to how them a picture. If they list factual details about the picture, they likely have a preference for sensing. A person with a preference for intuition will see metaphors and a deeper meaning in the picture (whether it is actually there or not).

Second is thinking versus feeling. Each of these letters is the way the type preference makes decisions. A person with a thinking preference will decide based on efficiency and choose the most rational option. People with a preference for feeling will make decisions based on other people and how they may react to the person’s decision. Some people use BOTH preference letters in their decision-making process, but the way to determine which one your partner prefers is to pay attention to what instantly comes to their mind when you have a decision to make. Do they instantly think about how you will feel or think? Or do they worry about the most efficient approach first, and your feelings after?

Last is perceiving versus judging. Each of these letters is the way the type preference perceives the world. People with the perceiving preference are motivated by deadlines, and will wait until the last minute to start a project, even if they have been working it out in their head and thinking about it for a long time before beginning. A person with a judging preference prefers to complete things far ahead of the deadline, so that they can make changes if needed before the deadline. Waiting until the last minute typically causes judging preference types anxiety.

To dive into the cognitive functions, an INFJ’s first cognitive function is introverted intuition. This means that the INFJ takes in patterns and data and processes it internally. This leads to flashes of insight that usually look random to most people, because they don’t realize the INFJ has been processing things internally for a long time. This tends to be a subconscious process, and the INFJ will not likely realize they are doing this, so a lot of times a flash of insight can also feel random to themselves, unless they think back on patterns they have witnessed and put together. To conceptualize this, you can picture an evidence board, with string linking things together. That is how an INFJ’s mind works. An ISTP’s first cognitive function is introverted thinking. This means that ISTP’s first way of processing data is to line up data and facts internally. They may use this to estimate measurements and precision isn’t necessarily their strong suit because they base decisions off of internally processed facts, which may or may not be reality. They will make decisions based on gut feel coming from data that was processed through their introverted thinking. They will tend to like to read and learn a lot, as introverted thinking takes in a lot of facts and data, but they will only take in the data that makes sense to them. Again, I think it is important to note here, that because this is each type’s dominant function, the first cognitive functions tend be done unconsciously, this is not a deliberate act.

The secondary functions for each type: the INFJ’s secondary function is extroverted feeling and ISTP’s secondary function is extroverted sensing. Since these are both the first types extroverted functions, this is how each of the types will interact with the outside world, and this process is usually done unconsciously as well. This means that the INFJ will have emotions that they want to externally process with their partner, friends or through journaling. They also prefer external harmony and have a very hard time when they feel someone is upset with them. The ISTP’s secondary function is extroverted sensing, which means they enjoy activities such as driving, hiking, or working on cars. They will enjoy anything that is physical and engages the five senses. Because this is an extroverted process, they tend to like to do these activities with other people and meet people and discuss with them similar hobbies.

A lot of differences of opinion can arise with the cognitive functions. Because the INFJ processes things using intuition, they may come across as unqualified to the ISTP, and the ISTP may discredit the INFJ’s findings due to it not being based on the ISTP’s internal processing function. The INFJ may get upset with the ISTP for not wanting to theorize or discuss abstract concepts. The secondary function can cause issues when the INFJ tries to talk through their feelings, and the ISTP prefers to be working on a car versus talking about feelings. Which can obviously lead to hurt feelings from the INFJ, and frustration from the ISTP because they are unable to understand why the INFJ wants to talk through their feelings, as well as become frustrated that the INFJ may not have as much interest as they do in the physical, present moment. This is generic, and of course, all types can learn to do things differently, but most of these types experience similar issues in relationships with each other.

ISTP’s and INFJ’s may have very different interests, as the ISTP will enjoy physical hobbies, such as flying a plane, learning to drive well or fixing a part for a car, while the INFJ likely enjoys hobbies such as reading, yoga, or meditating.

The way to work through a lot of this is to just understand each other. If the INFJ wants to talk, the best way to engage an ISTP is to go for a walk or hike, and then ask them to discuss feelings. The ISTP is much more likely to oblige the discussion when their extroverted sensing is already engaged. Likewise, the ISTP can get the INFJ interested in their hobbies by also taking the time to indulge the INFJ and talking about abstract concepts once the INFJ has fully processed and formed an opinion on a theory or idea, or to discuss feelings every once in a while, without being judgmental and really just listening to the INFJ. The INFJ can understand that the ISTP may have processed a fact using their introverted thinking, and that may be why they are disagreeing with the INFJ.

I hope this helps some of you in an INFJ/ISTP relationship! Feel free to email if you have questions, or if there is a type pairing you’d like me to discuss next, or anything else! Infinitetealskies@gmail.com

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Happy Sunday!

Love,

Teal